I am so depressed today. I have been intermittently for the last few weeks since I started getting really sick but it's getting worse by the day. It's really not helped by the fact that I feel so damned ill all of the time and that it seems to be getting worse. The doctor started me on some anti- depressants on Friday because he's still convinced that my problems are confined to depression and anxiety. I keep trying to tell him that they are just symptoms of what is really going on i.e. dysautonomia but he's having none of it at the minute. Depression and anxiety are things I've lived with quietly for nearly 20 years and I know the difference. So frustrating!
I keep asking for an MRI scan and a referral to a neurologist but he wants to have a go at 'fixing' me first I think. Thank God I managed to get a referral out of the 'mad as a box of frogs' doctor I saw the other week. Maybe not that mad eh?
I get a couple of hours a day feeling relatively 'normal' at the moment if I'm lucky and the rest are spent feeling light headed, sick and mentally as foggy as a cold night in November in a Yorkshire mining town- not that there are any of them any more.
The worst of it for me is having to look at my children knowing they don't know what's coming yet and are thinking that I'm going to recover soon and be back to how I was before, although I think the older two have suspicions that things are worse than that.
Why is life so fecking hard? I'm quite sure I didn't subscribe to this.
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